Dear Sons and Daughters,
I have been thinking the time has come to jot down some thoughts and instructions for you. So much goes on inside my head that there are times when I wonder what I have told you or have been able to convey thus far in my parenting capacity. The daily duties of motherhood consume my time so much that I wonder if I were to pass away, what is it that I have left for you in concrete and subtle ways to use as a model and guide in your own duties as a parent-to use in the future, when the time comes of course. More importantly- do you have a “guide book” going forward of the most important things I want you to know and how to pass it on to your children. I will leave none of what I know to chance. I want to be sure that if it isn’t absorbed through example and assumptions...you have no doubts about what I want you to know.
A very common phrase uttered among new and seasoned parents is “that children don’t come with a book of instructions.” Though this is true, I hope to give you something concrete. At least you will have a book according to the way I see parenting and you will have a blueprint to understand what Dad and I were trying to accomplish in you. I consider myself humbled by the duty that has been entrusted to me, yet confident of the authority placed on your father and I on your behalf.
What I will outline for you- as haphazardly as it may come, are the truths, duties and obligations of raising children as God has laid upon us. This is where and whom all parental authority originates...from God, the eternal and everlasting Father.
You can be confident of this authority, as God has made no other blood convenants except through Jesus Christ and through the sacrament of marriage. God is telling us this is where He is revealed to us and where He wants to be known...through the ultimate gift of love. It is through this ultimate gift of love where one gives their whole self to another, body and soul, to become one. In this gift, we behold the fruit of that love, which is where you come into the world -in the life of a child. This child -this precious life- is a gift that gives love and has the ability to recieve love...in a way like no other gift in the world. They are a part of you and will be fashioned in the image and likeness of you and your spouse. They will be the perfect meshing and a delicate combination of the DNA assimilated of untold generations, of family members through many years of love unions that were cemented in the commited bond of marriage. This is a profound mystery and one that should bring you to your knees in AWE of the creator.
At the very least, think of the wonder and amazement, as people who meet all of you- brothers and sisters together. They marvel at God’s handiwork. They take great care to notice who looks like who. They examine what characteristics are the same yet profoundly unique. One comment that strikes me is how much you can tell that we belong together- that we resemble one another in manner and appearance. You must consider this if you ever doubt the existence of God. He is showing His face among you...LOOK! We are made in Gods image and likeness. When people marvel and compare who looks like who, do you ever wonder why people are so captivated? I include myself in this captivation! People are always attracted to the face of God but not all recognize and know what they are seeing. Even though I understand this deep penetrating truth, I am still ever amazed at Gods greatness when I look at the beauty of a family with such similar features.
As an artist, there is much truth to the fact that you can tell much about the artist through his/her creation. The artwork is not the artist himself but a rendering...a 3 dimensional use of the artist’s gift...and expression of his talent. You might be able to make accurate assumptions of who the artist is, but one can never assume to know the artist fully-until they meet face to face. The artwork gives a hint of what the artists gifts are, it tells us what might be foremost in the artists mind and it will tell us what the artist holds dear. So it is true with God. If we study ourselves and our relationships, we will begin to know much about our creator. Since there is so much to know about God, I find the family is the the most logical place to start exploring.
Have you ever wondered why it is- that a big family has such a tremendous effect on people? Why is it so attractive and inviting? Why is it- when it is done well and with the will of God in mind, why is it so mesmerizing? Why do we feel joy when we observe it? I remember feeling this joy one time in particular when we lived in Texas and went to St. Ignatious parish. I always loved it when the Garzas came to mass. They were a beautiful family with 8 children. I felt like I was watching our family from afar. When Mrs. Garza, in her mid 40’s had her last baby, one of the teenage sons who was in highschool (I think it was Joe) was at the end of the pew. I watched as the family passed the delicate baby, dressed all in pink, all the way down the pew to the brother with huge shoulders and muscles bulging. It was so beautiful and tender, I found myself with tears coming down my cheeks completely unexpected.
It is this tender love that shows us the face of God, yet it is also the desire to be part of something greater than oneself. This desire is intense and is a great desire for all people. To be included is a desire of all those I know- especially myself. Another way God shows us Himself is through this great desire. To be part of something noble and great. The family of God the Father...what could be greater?
You all are a light to “this something greater.” Like the Garza family was to me, so you are to many other people when they see you together. It gives the world a “sneak peek” at what it takes and the rewards of being in this great family circle. By this, I mean a lot of things. You have to have a great deal of responsibility when you come from a big family. There are lots of things to be done and yet there are many hands to share in this work. The Body of Christ is real and tangible in every family but is seen especially well in a big one.
You also can not get too attatched to earthly things in this big family. Your oldest sister can surely attest this when she remembers the crushed face of her beloved porcelain doll by her curious and active little brother - who so diligently pounded her face in with a hammer. It caused him great delight until he realized this might have been a bad idea...and he quickly hid her shattered remains under her bed. We all have this and a great many, many other examples of just how much God does not want us to get attatched to the material life. The greater the distress, the more we know we are too attatched. I am grateful to have this experience of many broken things...in so much it is always keeping me aware of how attatched I am to the material. Not that I love broken things mind you, I just am grateful you all make me ever aware of what is most important. I am reminded quite often.
God also shows us his face in the family by revealing the concept of how the actions of one always effect another. If the actions are done for anothers help and benefit- God assures us of a fruitful outcome no matter what the mess we find ourselves in. The good deeds we do within the family help it to run smoothly and it benefits the spirit and workings of the whole. Likewise, if you make a mistake or cause harm to yourself or someone else, it is easy to see how the whole family is impacted. Lets just talk about the playground. If you are a kind person and treat others well...you will have many friends and people will think highly of you. These friends might have siblings that are in one of your brother or sisters class. These friends may go home and tell their parents how nice you are and urge their own siblings to get to know one of you if they were having trouble making friends. What you do affects the whole family and you will never stand alone. If you are not a good friend and are a bully- or a cut up in school, your siblings may have a harder time making friends or overcoming the apprehension of a teacher who had the difficult student. This may not be fair...but it is a fact. You may also remember a particular time when someone had to see the principal. Mom and Dad were not too happy to have to take time out of a busy day at work or at home to tend to someone who was getting out of line. The mood at home probably wasn’t the jolliest and perhaps many of you decided to steer clear of mom and dad for fear of stoking a burning amber to flames. I am confident you have your own recollections, as we all can think of countless examples of how we effect eachothers lives...in good ways and bad.
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