"Braces"

When Melanie was born, I remember the rush of emotions that overcame me as I looked at her for the first time.  In an instant, her existence changed my identity from daughter to mother.  On May 21, 1989 - my lifelong title as “mom” started to spin in motion.  When the nurse handed Melanie to me and we met for the first time,  there was a rush of love and and an equal rush of responsibility that had me wondering what lie ahead. There was a feeling of relief that she was here safe and sound and a feeling of accomplishment that my body had completed the process of bringing a new life into the world.  There was a wave of anxiety and awe that hit me as I realized our journey was just beginning and that I had a huge task ahead.  This life changing moment was so enormous, I struggled to find words to capture this grand occasion. While looking at her little chin, which was tucked in from traveling through the birth canal, all I could say was  “I think she might need braces.” 

Even though Melanie never required orthodontics, I now see meaning in that comical statement.  Melanie, like each of you, was surely going to need “braces” for growing up -but these braces weren’t the kind that straighten teeth.  These braces are parents who love you and devote their lives to your well being.  These braces perform it’s function of setting boundaries and instilling discipline.  These braces aren’t made of metal but have the strength of steel only found in faith.  These braces hold onto truth and keep the straying “tooth” in line.  Sometimes these braces need to be tightened and sometimes they need to be loosened. 

As the parent and primary “dentist”, making adjustments every now and then is necessary.  With the intrusion of the internet, cell phones, facebook and texting, it seems society has thrown a huge curve ball into the straightforward task of setting boundaries.  These elements of today's life are a part our kids culture and saturate their every moment.  I feel very uneasy because I am not adept in any of these areas.  Because I can’t monitor everyone’s use on the internet, it is safer to ban facebook accounts for everyone in the household who is under the age of 17-18.  Cell phones aren’t given out on demand either.  What once was used simply for talking to friends, now has the capability to connect to so much more...more than I’m ready to give complete, unauthorized access to.  If I can’t do my job well as a parent, which is monitoring for safety and appropriate language, I have to set tight rules regarding this technology.  With so many children, monitoring internet accounts would be an overwhelming task.  You all are WAY to important for me to make a mistake on this one.  Even if you all make the choice to ignore the rules (like that ever happens?) you are clear where I stand and why.  You are also clear about the consequences that will follow.  The statement, "you promote what you permit" is very true-and I am not promoting until I see you through the delicate teenage years.

    

Aside from being a time consuming nightmare, the media onslaught bothers me on other levels as well.  The values and character traits I am trying to instill doesn’t match up with the self consuming concept of facebook and constant texting for the young learner. Though it is possible to use these internet tools well,  I do not think you are all ready to make solid decisions regarding what to post without guidance and supervision.   You have little understanding of the permanence of posting pictures others will see and managing other judgements that even adults have a hard time making...(Hello, Anthony Wiener).  

Sometimes I feel like the only parent who cringes at this technology-as I'm sure you feel like you're the only kids without a facebook account. I guess we have something in common here.  Many people tell me that I need to live in this day and age and that our kids are a part of this media saturated culture...like I should just surrender. Yet, most parents wouldn't allow their toddlers to walk around the edge of a pool without a life jacket if they couldn't swim.  I am just making sure you are learning to swim.  I don't want you in the deep end just yet.

  Also, I am more concerned with your holiness than I am with your happiness at this point.  If you get things out of order here, joy will evade you.  You will be pointed in the wrong direction.  As you all know, JOY comes from Jesus first, Others second and Yourself last.  This really goes against what society tells us but that doesn’t concern me.  I know I am bracing you to deal with what society is trying to tell and sell you.  Right now, you need to focus on obedience, service and personal relationships...the face to face kind.  You need to be discerning what is appropriate to share with the public and what is better left to the privacy of your own mind.  I am always amazed by the information out on the internet...most of it falls into the category of TMI... "do I really need to know this?" Quickly followed by..."I don't really understand this."



    Your thoughts are personal and private. They are always changing and growing along side of you.  They are maturing as you mature.  There are also personal aspects of relationships that need to stay within the confines of two people.  I need to be certain you know when to share and that what you share is appropriate for public consumption.

Even though most of you wish I was a little more lenient in this regard, when we talk honestly about what I see on the internet -you know I am spot on.  The dangers on the internet are real.  Mistakes made in cyberspace can have lasting consequences.  So, for now, the braces remain until it’s time for the “retainer”.  Each one of you will be ready for your "retainer" on an individual bases.  Until then, I am committed to doing what it takes so that you can see a beautiful smile when I’m through.

Love,

MOM