Temporarily out of order...part 1

Twenty four years ago to the month, I unknowingly sat upon the edge of my spiritual conversion.  This event was monumental.  It changed the course of my life.  It has changed the course of all your lives.  This simple conversion changed my heart, mind and soul.  I was gently redirected and set back on solid ground.   I was twenty years old and oblivious that my life was temporarily "out of order." God spoke to me, loudly and lovingly.

As I began my senior year of college,  I returned to campus eager to finish up my studies as a graphic design major.  I was full of hopes and dreams for my future.  I had ambitions of traveling the world after graduation.  I would secure an exciting job in the world of design after I traveled a bit.  Then, I would get married and have a family after my career was in full swing. I would have some money in the bank.  I was dating someone I was in love with and our relationship was dreamy.  We were in love.  My plans were progressing  and I was assured I had it all figured out.  I was on track with all of my goals... except in my spiritual life.  I didn't actually have any goals for my spiritual life.  I just accepted my spirituality as an accessory to all other pressing, worldly goals.  It was something I could simply put on and take off when needed...like a pretty scarf.

I accepted my identity and spirituality as being distictly Catholic.  I was a baptized, confirmed, eucharist- receiving believer.  I loved God very much and believed in the bible.  I was raised Catholic and spent my grade school and highschool years in Catholic education.  I grew up attending mass every Sunday.  Almost everyone I knew was Catholic. Though I identified myself as Catholic, I consciously made up a few new spiritual rules for myself.  I thought my reasoning was completely logical, despite the fact I wasn't in line with many of the teachings of the church.

In reality, I wasn't very Catholic at all.  I practiced orthodox relativism.  I took the liberty of assessing tenets of the faith I thought were outdated and threw them out.  After all, I was a "modern woman" and the church's teaching on abstinence and moral absolutes were a little outdated in my view.  Chastity was a virtue of the past.  How hard was it to be chaste when people married so young- in biblical times?  Surely, God didn't account for the feminist movement, where women traveled, and married so much later in life.  Observing the sabbath...well, God knew I was a busy college student and I had studying to do.  Homosexuality?  That lifestyle was a preference.  Who was I to judge -so long as they chose to love?  Love is good, right?  God is love.  That was an easy one.  Birth control... a non-issue.  Of course it was permissible.  I just didn't see any down side there.  Many of my moral, loving, good friends were on the pill.  I didn't really think too much about it.  New advancements in science...how wonderful.  Abortion? Even though it was legal,  I knew that abortion was killing a baby...Period.  Yet, fear kept me from ever proclaiming this truth.  I was afraid of my own strength to choose life if ever had to choose.  Surely, this was a personal matter where I was unqualified to judge.  I didn't want to sound cruel and judgemental.  I was unwittingly attached to the vice of human respect.  I sympathized greatly with anyone forced to make this decision.  So, I always remained silent on this one.  Many other challenging moral questions never hit my radar.  I was focused on my goals.

As you can see, I was pretty comfortable rearranging the order of things.  I also didn't spend much time and effort getting to know what the church taught- nor why. Turns out,  I was either asleep or deaf during my catechism classes.  My order was working out just fine.  I was a good person.  I believed in God.  I, being an enlightened college student, was capable of making judgements for myself.  I also consulted the wisest people I knew...my brilliant friends.  They were extremely smart.  I concluded this fact since we unanimously agreed on all contemporary issues of our day...at least the ones we cared most about.  I was reassured by their approval and great knowledge of all things relating to God.  None of whom were majoring in theology, reading church doctrine or even practicing the faith, I might add.

My plans were moving along quite well and graduation was right around the corner.  I was in the home stretch.  It was one month into my senior year in college, when plans changed.  I found out I was expecting your sister Melanie.   My perfect plans came to a screeching halt.  Thankfully, not before God took my hand and whispered in my ear.  He lovingly and gently reordered my plans and my life.

I thank God everyday for this radical correction.

Love,
Mom

Story continued in part 2...