Temporarily out of order...part 3

With my new found peace and confidence, I dialed the phone to tell Tony right away.  My excitement was growing as the phone started to ring.  As Tony picked up, I immediately blurted out the great news.  Up until this point, I hadn't considered that Tony wouldn't share my relief in coming to a final decision.  I was so overwhelmed with joy that I hadn't contemplated my personal experience with the divine occurred only in my soul.  There was dead-pan silence screaming in my ear.  My enthusiastic joy bounced into a brick wall.

Looking back years later, I understand his reaction.  Though at the moment,  I was shocked by it.  I had taken control of a decision we "both" were supposed to be making.  He had invested hours of time and tears of his own emotional energy trying to be cooperative in this decision.  We were both parents of this little baby and he rightly wanted to be a part of the decision.  In a single phone call, I ripped the reigns away and made a swooping proclamation.  I was suddenly enlightened by the holy spirit?  I can see why he was doubtful.  The girl he fell in love with was "spiritual", but not exactly in lock step with the holy spirit.

He was underwhelmed by my conviction, and I was hurt.  The wheels of trust were springing a leak.  We started wildly defending our positions.  We were both very emotional and passionately protecting ourselves.  As the days and weeks wore on, our relationship started crumbling apart.  Though we still loved each other- trust, the first order in the foundation of all relationships, was starting to sift and sway.  Our relational disorder came into play once again.  I hung up the phone a basket case, crying a river of tears.

Though I desperately wanted unity, the hurdles toward unity were becoming higher and higher.  We both started leaning on our separate families for support.  We both backed into our own corners, and went round after round, with no winner.   We were both losing.  Why wasn't love enough?  I couldn't meditate on this word long enough.  It consumed me.  What was love?  I mistakenly thought love and unity were synonymous.

By the time I was ready to deliver, our relationship was almost non-speaking.  I asked Grandma to be my birthing coach, and we prepared to welcome this new life together.  I was happy that my mom would be there, yet sad because I knew this wasn't how it should be.  We had just left class where we watched an instructional video of a live birth.  On the way home, I started to panic.  There was so much going on emotionally that I hadn't given too much thought to the physical aspect of what was in store.  The video was very graphic.  This baby was actually going to have to come out...of me.  I remember a full blown panic attack.   I was gripped with fear once again.  Interiorly, I heard..."you are committed." Slowly, peace returned, and I no longer needed a paper bag.  I think I was hyperventilating.

Yes, I was physically committed and the only way out was through the physical pain of labor.   Another spiritual nugget.  It would be years before I finally understood it's depth and true meaning.

Just after breakfast two days before my due date, I was sitting at the kitchen table with grandma when I had a twang of pain in my lower back.  I squirmed a bit and the grimacing look on my face concerned grandma.  It stopped quickly and I shrugged it off.  Grandma's motherly intuition kicked in and she told me to go lay down.  Labor was in motion.  For hours the pains came and went, growing in intensity.  I still remember Aunt Janet painting my fingernails in between labor pains.  That was quite a manicure!

Grandma made all the necessary phone calls and summoned everyone to the hospital.  She called the doctors and made all the arrangements as I labored away in my room.  I was just waiting for someone to tell me what to do and where to go next.  Tony was at the hospital with his family and the waiting room was full of family and friends.   Despite our awkward situation, the atmosphere bustled with excitement and anticipation.

Melanie Christine was born on May 21, 1989 at 8:10 pm.  The love in my heart overwhelmed me like a tidal wave.  I was a mom now and would be forever changed in many beautiful ways.  God blessed not only me, but the world with the gift of her life on her birthday.  I was thankful and honored to receive the gift.

Story continued...part 4

Love,
MOM