Thoughts on Adoption...a sidenote.

When I think about the options I had to face between adoption and motherhood, I can say with certainty that each option is a self-sacrificing option.  In my case, the critical factor in my decision was having supportive parents and a family willing to stand behind me. I also knew that Tony would be a great father and would always be part of Melanie's life.

Many women in the same situation do not have this luxury and gift.  If I had not been blessed with such supportive parents who were financially able and willing to help, I know that I would have been pushed to reconsider what was best for Melanie.  I wanted my child to have every good thing, and not just in a material sense.   I knew that I had love to give and was willing to scrape and scrimp, yet it wouldn't be fair to Melanie if I couldn't provide for her as the years went on.  Living on welfare or in a homeless shelter wouldn't offer her the opportunities for a life she deserved to have.  She was innocent and shouldn't have to suffer hungry on the streets, especially when there are stable, married couples longing to have a family.  If I couldn't provide emotionally for her, I also would have had to reconsider.    The thought of handing her to another couple after carrying her for nine months was a visual that made me sob uncontrollably.  I couldn't imagine how hard it would be.  It felt like I was getting kicked in the gut just thinking about it.

Because I've had to consider both options, I realize that selecting adoption is the greatest and most noble of sacrifices.  Women who are deciding what is best for their child without a strong support network from the family or the father, face a crisis of the greatest magnitude.   The most heart wrenching gift a mother can give her child is the opportunity to have a life she couldn't otherwise give.  This gift is even more amazing if she is alone and abandon.  The inner struggle that accompanies such a decision rivals the fiercest battles ever fought on a battlefield.  The mother possesses the strength and fortitude of a soldier in order to deny herself the love of her own child.  A loving mother never forgets her child.  The strength it takes to make such a sacrifice implores all of my admiration and respect.

Having both a niece and nephew who were adopted from Guatemala, I have witnessed the beauty and sacrifice in their birth mother's gift.  Both mothers chose to give their children an opportunity for life in another country, to an unknown set of parents who love and adore them.  Mark and Sharon are amazing parents and treasure their children as if they were their own flesh and blood.  Your cousins are beautiful souls whose love and personalities add depth and dimension to our family that would be lacking without them.  Daniel and Marissa were the answer to many, many prayers.  We are grateful to God for the blessing of these children.   The biological parents would be overwhelmed with joy to know how much their children are loved and adored by many.  It is the reason and hope for such a sacrifice.

I also know people who have been adopted, who thank their birth mothers and understand their great sacrifice.  Some of our richest friendships and beloved family members would not exist without the gift of adoption.  The self- sacrificing gift of adoption is clearly a witness to what Christ's sacrifice on Calvary is all about.  The blessings are abundant.

Though I am forever grateful to have had family who provided me with tremendous support so that I could choose motherhood with a sound conscience, I am always inspired by the strength and sacrifice by those who choose to place their child up for adoption.  I hope you will always be able see the hand of God in both options.

Love,
Mom